sodomasochism, frustrations, bitterness, and all that jazz
Here in the phili, fraternities are such a fad and i believe over rated.
Hazing fucking kills. Why would some one want to be beaten up by your "brother", hello?unless your some what masochistic in nature, but still, you don't get sex afterwards, i mean, hello??!!!!
that is why i call it "S&M session without sex".
It was really gross. There was a documentary show that was aired last saturday that featured a 20 year old woman getting initiated by her brothers by kicking her, hitting her with a paddle, punching her, slapping her all over the place. She was like a ragged doll. After a couple of days, she was interviewed and she still does not want to quit. I dont know if their just some twisted people or cult. i mean, come on, i have nothing against them, its just illogical to do that...

The frustration part,. God, there is a fucking lot of fucking activity, i could just die today!!!
damn it, aside from that, damn this relationships.
last Wednesday, we had a little drinking session back home, and the topic about Brian was opened up again. I was on the hot sit, and the question just kept on coming.
Why does fili guys get turned off when a girl tells him about her feelings for him? it really sucks.And jansen just kept on asking and criticizing on how i confessed to brian. I was not offended, its just that i thought if i did it in the right way could things between us be better?i dont know, i didnt try.
all that was gone now, it was over even before it started.
(T_T)
and its quite weird that my eyes are a little teary right now...
Why did even end that way?
its to late to ask now.
another frustration is that, Jansen told me that because i never has a boy friend, by the time i have one and he left me i wouldnt be able to move on. *what the FUCK?!?* what was up with that?!
*song playing in my mind, tumatakbo?mojofly, ayoko sanang tumandang nagiisa...*yup...
Again im not desparate, what the heck is with that?right?
is it so bad if i dont like commitment?maybe, but i know that time will come when im ready.
for love, falling is easy, its the landing that's hard...ouch...

There are so many activities and so little time and im so stressed and i just cried. hope no one saw me, aside from janna...
*song playing in my mind, i'm not ok: my chemical romance, and i am NOT ok, im not fucking ok*
i'm not ok coz i did feel so accomplished. i feel that i didnt do much contribution for our group, it made me feel that im just some one who isnt good enough.too sensitive, yup, and im fucking proud!!!!!the hell i am!!!!
and im starting to like this guy,gawd, why him?!!!!come on,well i just like him, not falling or anything...just liking. i just dont feel right about things.
tragic...
i know, im fond of saying tragic, i dont know, maybe im just a big tragic lump of protein here on planet earth. TRAGIC!!!!!!!
poems are just another defense mechanism
"i cut myself
and felt my blood flow;
i murdered myself
for no one else know."
just another couple of lines from one of my poems.
Gian, sorry if i didnt get to keep my promise not to cut anymore, im just so damn twisted, dark and tragic...yup!so am sorry!
but hey, i nver cut for a guy, it would really be weird if a have a guys name engraved on my arm or chest,hahaha, i could just imagine...
gian, remember your dream where you have a boyfriend who have these phrase cut to his arms "gian's property", weird but damn so sweet...i like that,hehe. i'd like to have a guy just like that,and i'd have his name on my arm, that's if he had mine on his arm!hehe!!!!

happiness is an eternal orgasm, cute, without the e.haha, no seriously, i find it cute and well analogized,hehe!!!!

typos....activities...reports....
BITE ME!!!!!